sitting on mum's lap (2)

this picture was taken when my son was about 8 months old. it is at my mum's friend ron's house. by this time my mum had alzheimers and was living with ron. this was the first time she had seen my son. how she held him was completely instinctive. i was scared she would drop him but the minute she had him in her arms i knew she would not. she kept saying "isn't she lovely!" it seemed to us that she thought she was holding me when i was a baby.

i see contrasts between this picture and the earlier one. in this one my son is the one who looks removed from things and my mum who is smiling. my mum looks anything but glamourous. in reality she was really smelly and dirty. by this time she was incontinent and it was very hard for ron to bath her. her nails were filthy, when they had always been manicured and polished with stuff called carnate polish, which came in a little tub and had an amazing smell like bubble gum. her dress is another jewel-like pattern. ron probably chose this for her. i think it is the same dress she wore to my wedding.

but mostly she looks so happy. in very few of the pictures where she is holding me when i was a baby does she look this happy. i don't think that this is because she was unhappy. i think she was anxious and uncertain and lost. it moved me to the core watching her holding my child.